Of course the loss of any young person marching toward the prime of life is a giant misfortune. I keep wondering whether each and every family who suffers the loss of a loved one feels the same depth of loss - and if so, how could you ever measure to establish that fact? There is no "98.6" in the way of a standard for grieving the loss of one individual and measuring that grief in terms of another.
But I have a thought, which almost seems like a realization:
Whether one knew her or not, just about everybody who has by now known OF Carly Henley has likely reached a personal point of wishing Carly (or at least someone of similar likeness) could be at their side. There is something about Carly Henley's image that is just soothing in just about every way. It really isn't enough to summarize that "she's beautiful" (although, when at a loss for words, many have remembered her with just that little phrase).
To an outsider, Carly Henley's appearance AND her earthy spirit (as preserved on YouTube and around the internet) inspire the realization that what she (during her short life) and her image/spirit offer to others everywhere is akin to a mirror. A perceptibly flawless mirror of the sort which helps just about anybody to perhaps see themselves more clearly (for said mirror lacking the tiny chips, nicks, and toothpaste stains which always hijack our focus).
Consider this testimony written about Carly by one of her best friends. In it the friend talks a good deal about Carly, but lost on readers are the many references to the writer's own SELF... her flaws, her strengths, her best, her worst, her growth, her evolution, her voids, and inspiration drawn from Carly to find the writer's own dreams and passions.
I'm here to suggest that the writer is responsible for having bettered herSELF along life's path, and that Carly Henley was one of her many mirrors. Carly Henley was like the 'cushion' on the pool table that you could depend on to rebound your thoughts, feelings, fears and the pool ball at just the angle which afforded you the chance to learn from them all. Carly could do this because so many around her viewed her (and maintained her) as the unflawed pool table around which nobody let their little brother spill a softdrink... nobody let irresponsible players 'scratch' the felt surface... nobody spilled chalk on... and dad made you keep protected when not in use.
Most of those who spent considerable time around Carly Henley knew the blessing of seeing themselves reflected accurately in her eyes and responses, which afforded them the means with which to adjust and fine-tune their own lives. No doubt many have opined that Carly Henley was "hot" - but maybe she was more accurately the "98.6" on which everybody else could depend as a standard for use in accurately measuring their own lives.
Isn't that what you really want from your "friends" ???
Many people in this day and age are grousing about the romantic choices they've made, and some about how they are "socially doomed" when using those choices as a gauge. Most are quick to assess and downgrade themselves without affording due consideration to the random chance that the flaws in their mates were central (and at times independent) in causing a less-than-ideal romantic outcome. Most of us will never achieve ideal "perspective" on who we are, simply for not knowing how to assess ourselves irrespective of outside human factors.
To her friends and family, Carly Henley seemed to be both a constant and a reliable standard by which they could see and perhaps measure themselves. Nobody ever needed to think about measuring up to Carly in any way. Most were quite content just to 'know' with confidence that she was there at her level, just so others could depend on where she was. Recently I was reading the words of Carly's mother, who reported of bursting into tears on a business trip. She talked of interacting with colleagues about work stuff, but doing so with an unmistakable sense that Carly was in the air. They all felt their way through, with none knowing a standard for how they were supposed to interact with one another.
Carly was that 48-inches-tall marker on the kiddie bumper cars. She was the multi-colored height measurement on the door at 7-Eleven. Carly was the innovative force on the road sign which made it turn blue when icy conditions were possible. She was the dependable standards that you see all around you in life. Carly Henley was "ninety-eight-point-six".
It seems possible, too, that for being fairly and sensibly perceived as such, Carly would have a more difficult time interacting with others when she wasn't feeling up to her usual self. How can we be expected to know when the thermometer is having an off day, or an off month? We see it as a constant, and some constants are incredibly soothing just the way they are. Who wants to tinker with that "P" word that ends with "n"?
I'm hopeful, and willing to believe/perceive that some of her rise to becoming that 'standard' for the benefit of everyone all around her, has been the result of Carly getting to live a wonderful life for her first 20 years on this earth. It is difficult to imagine my perception of her being such a rare combination of the one with the striking good looks and the approachable persona of the sort which might cause just about anybody to want to be near her.
She seemed to be guided through life while left wanting for very little. The things she accomplished during her time on this earth were mostly attainable by just about anybody, and Carly accomplished those things at ages where doubt and questions of self worth are prominent in just about anybody who could identify with, or try to emulate her.
Indeed she can still be a role model for a whole lot of people all while continuing to personify in spirit that mirror we take for granted as we inspire ourselves to grow and blossom.
Carly Henley was "98.6"...
Carly Henley was someone I'd never even heard of before she took her own life at the age of 20 while a talented, popular and attractive junior at university. She seemed the person nobody would ever guess for such a fate. The media doesn't generally cover suicide but Carly Henley could inspire so much caring and understanding and it has to start somewhere... I attempt to present this blog without hurting or offending Carly Henley's family or anyone else but suicide is a delicate subject.
I learned of the death of college student Carly Henley two days after her passing, on October 6, 2010. In the days soon to follow it became clear that scores and scores of people were wounded to the core by the loss. Wonderful evidence around the internet serves to almost suspend Carly Henley's personable allure, her impressive musical talent, and a short life the likes of which most anybody could envy.
Various reports tell of her short term struggle with depression of perhaps three months in duration. Significant in that was the introduction of anti-depressant drug Zoloft via prescription some two weeks before Carly took her own life.
Not lost on me now, finally, is the wording in the "Black Box Warning" with Zoloft, which states that antidepressants may increase the risk of suicidal thinking and behavior in persons younger than 25. Risk is especially heightened during the first two months of taking anti-depressants.
The labels on anti-depressant drugs in the U.S. were altered to reference young adults aged 18 to 24 just three years earlier - in 2007.
It is my belief, now, that Carly just happened to land among the small percentage of anti-depressant users who are susceptible to being so affected by a powerful drug such as Zoloft.
One need not ever have known such a remarkable woman to feel the pain all around at the loss of Carly Henley.
So many life lessons are so well represented by Carly Henley's compelling spirit. Let me see if I can help some to gain fuller appreciation for a woman who continues to inspire everyone who ever knew of her.
Various reports tell of her short term struggle with depression of perhaps three months in duration. Significant in that was the introduction of anti-depressant drug Zoloft via prescription some two weeks before Carly took her own life.
Not lost on me now, finally, is the wording in the "Black Box Warning" with Zoloft, which states that antidepressants may increase the risk of suicidal thinking and behavior in persons younger than 25. Risk is especially heightened during the first two months of taking anti-depressants.
The labels on anti-depressant drugs in the U.S. were altered to reference young adults aged 18 to 24 just three years earlier - in 2007.
It is my belief, now, that Carly just happened to land among the small percentage of anti-depressant users who are susceptible to being so affected by a powerful drug such as Zoloft.
One need not ever have known such a remarkable woman to feel the pain all around at the loss of Carly Henley.
So many life lessons are so well represented by Carly Henley's compelling spirit. Let me see if I can help some to gain fuller appreciation for a woman who continues to inspire everyone who ever knew of her.
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