While I'm sure that time helps Carly's friends and family to better adjust little by little, there remains the giant hole in the lives of so very many. The mother of a suicide victim is always hit hardest of anyone and I can't even tell the difference between knowing obvious "reasons" for the child's decision and not seeming to have any understanding that way.
Doesn't it matter, also, that few could even begin to measure the seeming potential for Carly Henley's would-be future. Hard to believe that the economy would even slow such a person down. I know that I wouldn't want to trade places with the mother of a suicide victim for anything in the world and my sense of the void seems larger when speaking of Carly Henley, because she seemed to hold such promise for the future.
It comforts me to imagine that Carly's mom may evolve to be about as therapeutic as can be for OTHER parents who have known the same heartbreaking experience. Mrs. Henley is quite well versed in the art of inspiring others, and hopefully she has found avenues through which she can draw upon all she knows to be there for other parents who go through the same terrible experiences.
Other parents trying to cope would certainly tend to force themselves to stop and listen to a sincere woman who tells of having gone through the same painful reality. I wouldn't be offended by any parent of a child who committed suicide if they said: "you can never relate, because you just can't know what it's like until you've gone through it exactly as I/we have".
That... label... probably means everything to whatever number of other parents with whom Carly's mom may come into contact. That she is so well spoken while knowing how to find 'auto-pilot' when her career calls for it, is sure to have a positive effect on other grieving parents when they need support the most.
I guess you start from what would be 'square one', where one young suicide victim somehow 'equals' another in terms of their respective parents who might lean on one another for support. Yet at the end of the day, you go home and believe you understand why someone took his/her own life after an extremely painful break-up. You believe you understand why someone took his/her own life after terrible teasing at the hands of other students (and/or their parents!). You believe you understand why someone deeply self-conscious about his/her own sexuality could be driven to take his/her own life. You even understand why someone who recently committed a serious crime, and who now faced a lengthy prison sentence, would take his own life.
Of course we all know, logically, that every single one of those suicide victims each had a better choice... a better option... when it mattered the most. People are just so afraid to feel truly vulnerable, that they prefer the path which circumvents the greatest concentration of personal vulnerability, even if it means ending their lives instead.
Quite often this aversion to deep vulnerability is prevalent among persons who have known considerable pain and abuse at previous times in their lives. That makes considerable sense given the way human personalities seem to evolve. But what about Carly Henley??? I've never yet read a word anywhere which suggested that anybody was significantly mean to her. (of course it can't be true that nobody was ever mean to her, but I've just drawn what understanding I can from so many near and far who seemed to adore Carly and her rare combination of striking beauty and "real girl with all the flaws" personality. She had the sort of personality which made people want to be around her.)
Around every corner my thoughts and understandings travel, I keep coming right back to the Zoloft element during the evolution toward the end of Carly's life (note: she was said to have begun taking Zoloft just 10 days or so before she took her own life, and the warning on the package that Zoloft comes in says: "may cause suicidality in persons under 25" with increased risks during the first three months of the use of anti-depressants).
I'm sure Carly's mom asks herself all the time: 'How do you lose such a bright and wonderful light in such a way??' At least the Zoloft element may help to keep Carly's mom from asking herself some of the deeper and more-unhealthy rhetorical questions. It makes me doubly sad just to imagine anybody in Carly's circles feeling at all responsible for Carly's choice. The girl very clearly had an environment filled almost entirely with people who would cherish the experience of being trusted by a vulnerable Carly Henley. And Carly likely had the solid familial foundation of the sort which would allow her to boldly risk such vulnerability as an adult.
I just feel so sad for a family which seems to give a whole lot to the society around it, and whose lives seem to otherwise thrive as the result of all of they do.
In a sense it just doesn't add-up*, in any way other than Zoloft being the singular culprit when it chanced upon a human chemistry perhaps considerably vulnerable to its side effects, unbeknownst to the thousands of people who have been inspired by Carly Henley.
(* Let me state clearly that I don't dispute whatsoever the conclusion that Carly took her own life.)
Carly Henley was someone I'd never even heard of before she took her own life at the age of 20 while a talented, popular and attractive junior at university. She seemed the person nobody would ever guess for such a fate. The media doesn't generally cover suicide but Carly Henley could inspire so much caring and understanding and it has to start somewhere... I attempt to present this blog without hurting or offending Carly Henley's family or anyone else but suicide is a delicate subject.
I learned of the death of college student Carly Henley two days after her passing, on October 6, 2010. In the days soon to follow it became clear that scores and scores of people were wounded to the core by the loss. Wonderful evidence around the internet serves to almost suspend Carly Henley's personable allure, her impressive musical talent, and a short life the likes of which most anybody could envy.
Various reports tell of her short term struggle with depression of perhaps three months in duration. Significant in that was the introduction of anti-depressant drug Zoloft via prescription some two weeks before Carly took her own life.
Not lost on me now, finally, is the wording in the "Black Box Warning" with Zoloft, which states that antidepressants may increase the risk of suicidal thinking and behavior in persons younger than 25. Risk is especially heightened during the first two months of taking anti-depressants.
The labels on anti-depressant drugs in the U.S. were altered to reference young adults aged 18 to 24 just three years earlier - in 2007.
It is my belief, now, that Carly just happened to land among the small percentage of anti-depressant users who are susceptible to being so affected by a powerful drug such as Zoloft.
One need not ever have known such a remarkable woman to feel the pain all around at the loss of Carly Henley.
So many life lessons are so well represented by Carly Henley's compelling spirit. Let me see if I can help some to gain fuller appreciation for a woman who continues to inspire everyone who ever knew of her.
Various reports tell of her short term struggle with depression of perhaps three months in duration. Significant in that was the introduction of anti-depressant drug Zoloft via prescription some two weeks before Carly took her own life.
Not lost on me now, finally, is the wording in the "Black Box Warning" with Zoloft, which states that antidepressants may increase the risk of suicidal thinking and behavior in persons younger than 25. Risk is especially heightened during the first two months of taking anti-depressants.
The labels on anti-depressant drugs in the U.S. were altered to reference young adults aged 18 to 24 just three years earlier - in 2007.
It is my belief, now, that Carly just happened to land among the small percentage of anti-depressant users who are susceptible to being so affected by a powerful drug such as Zoloft.
One need not ever have known such a remarkable woman to feel the pain all around at the loss of Carly Henley.
So many life lessons are so well represented by Carly Henley's compelling spirit. Let me see if I can help some to gain fuller appreciation for a woman who continues to inspire everyone who ever knew of her.
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