October 6, 2011 - Carly Henley has been gone a year

What is the right thing to say? How best to make it clear that I'm thinking about her even though I didn't even know Carly Henley?

I do know that I have, for nearly a year, been paying lots of attention to testimonies of who she was and how she affected those who offered those testimonies. Nothing or no one ever reveals a character flaw in Carly, and after all this time, it makes sense that something would have surfaced were it there to be learned.

Some who visit this blog arrive via Google searches including the words "why" or "reason" and it remains significant that even after 12 months there has been no specific, underlying reason that has leaked out. I remain as confident as ever that the anti-depressant drug Zoloft somehow affected an important (chemical?) 'balance' somewhere within Carly. I think just that factor alone inspired her to unwillingly and unwittingly replace the "logic" that we think we all know with a different type of intuitive thinking. Perhaps this would allow something as innocent as school-kid multiplication tables to tally up incorrectly with answers seeming to allow Carly to reason her own exit toward what perhaps, then, seemed like a better place.

Those of us still on earth tend to be most satisfied by a tangible cause and effect for something like Carly's suicide. It just seems so difficult to accept that someone identifies "depression", lives some amount of a whole summer feeling lesser than her usual self, and then takes conventional action in response to that depression and doesn't survive. Perhaps it was the return of school which inspired the logical move which saw Carly use an anti-depressant in an attempt to feel strong enough to keep up with the demands of her life. Carly had intelligent and resourceful people all around her, and friends in numbers to suggest she'd seldom need to be alone. There was nothing about that environment which seemed at all dangerous or unhealthy.

That Carly Henley followed a sensible path and was still caused to exit this earth of her own free will is something that magnifies the pain known to those all around her. Some want to feel that she was pained and tormented significantly enough to where others should have magically seen any signs, AND known how to respond with potentially life-saving response.

I honestly don't buy that. It's just a natural human reaction to believe that Carly (or anyone else so afflicted) was sending out imperceptible signals that somebody should've/could've noticed. (*you can't notice something imperceptible)  The logic in that is, oddly (and wrongly),  easier to accept than is the path on which Carly and her family did what amounted to all the right things, and were still met by such tragedy.

The fact that the warning on the box that Zoloft comes in spells-out a risk of "suicidality in persons under 25 years of age" should be enough to allow that Carly's death was a function of Zoloft. That the warning was required by regulators and adjusted to include young adults as recently as 2007 sure suggests that numerous young-adult suicides were recently documented as having been associated with Zoloft (and other anti-depressant drugs).

Yet it is equally logical that anybody should be able to use today's modern medicine "as directed" and expect to see a positive reaction in terms of their health. So as the summer of 2010 turned into September, it all made perfect, logical sense that perhaps Carly and her physician might have jointly decided to try an anti-depressant. Neither is responsible for having had any idea that the reaction would be so severe with Carly the individual. They were on the right, sensible, and logical thought path, and this still happened... That is where so much of the hurt is.



First thing you notice about Carly Henley is how remarkably attractive she was, and that causes you to stop and at least afford yourself the chance to gain a better sense of her. Soon you're quite surprised to find that she offered surprising depth and personal vulnerability in ways not so typical of those with the really attractive exteriors. Just listen to Carly express her gratitude in grand fashion to a dear friend at this link.

Then watch how she greets her YouTube followers with exceptional sincerity at this link.


It is a treasure that Carly's online fingerprints leave these indelible images through which people can eternally gain a clear sense for how wonderfully she expressed herself.

One of Carly's earliest videos, that of her performance at her high school's "Idol" contest, further exhibits what a humble person she was.


Society as a whole probably gets some of the credit for keeping Carly comfortable with her self-expression for it being so easy to take interest in Carly even on her bad days. It would have been fun to be in that auditorium at the "Idol" contest just for a sense of whether the performance landed with enough relative impact to make it clear that she'd win. And don't forget, a lesser persona than Carly would have indicated on YouTube that she had indeed won that "Idol" contest.

During this week marking one year since Carly's passing, the local news is filled with the return to Seattle of one-time U.W. student Amanda Knox after nearly four years in an Italian prison. From this I can draw at least some further understanding as to what Carly's loss means to those closest to her. Consider that, at one point nearly two years back Amanda Knox and her family were made to adjust to the chance that Amanda might be imprisoned until she would be age 46. Although not eternal, the barely-fathomable impact of such a loss on Amanda's friends and family does begin to hint at the magnitude of what it must've been like to lose Carly Henley.

It seems logical, yet unreal that Amanda Knox was freed from that prison and that fate, and it is the unimaginable relief to all involved that seems so fascinating. No matter whether Amanda Knox knows more than she lets on, it is fair to say that the rest of her family wasn't directly involved in the death of Amanda's roommate in Italy. (Amanda Knox and Carly Henley grew up approximately 6 miles from one another)

A year after Carly Henley's death it remains extremely obvious that so many people care...

It is a safe bet that every one of them gains a good deal for merely having been familiar with Carly Henley during her short and fulfilling time on earth and for having Carly's spirit in their thoughts both on this significant date of October 6, 2011 and at other, more random times.

That Carly Henley was such a blessed individual for twenty years, and that she still met her sad, unfortunate fate, will probably help to inspire anybody who has ever known of Carly to at least err on the side of making an attempt to stay in life's batter's box while hoping the next pitch is better.

The online world will never stop learning from Carly Henley...

May she rest in eternal peace.


*** Edit ***     Awoke extra early today.  Posted this entry.  Then decided to drive well out of my way on this October 6 just to drive past Carly's house, perhaps as a way to feel connected  in some way.  I'd driven past it twice before during the past year and I was generally OK with only having the chance to go in the wee hours of the morning this time.

Upon my arrival it seemed that nothing was astir in the quiet neighborhood and indeed most of the lights were off in Carly's house.  Just driving slowly past felt so respectful.  After turning around and going back past the house again, and with better focus, I noticed that there was a large umbrella covering a table and on that table was a flame lit in memory/honor of Carly.  It was so sweet, and to see it by dark of night was extra special.  It wasn't raining at the time I passed by, but it probably had been, and could at any moment.  The flame was strong and resilient as a mild wind tested it.

Carly's CD was playing loudly in my car yet with the windows up I did not disturb the neighborhood peace.  I was very touched to witness such a tribute and I'm so glad that I had that chance.