During the first couple of days after I initially heard of Carly Henley, which was simultaneous to my learning of her suicide, I kept trying to imagine "whyyyyyyyyyy...?" (just like everybody else)
One of the things I quickly deemed as having been so very significant to Carly's life was the blessing of her having had a female cousin just one day younger than she was. It sounds as if they got to be around one another for most if not all of their shared time on this earth and the living cousin recently shared some thoughts about Carly at this link.
While not twin sisters, cousins born one day apart can certainly boast something special in the way of synergy not shared by most others. I truly can't imagine what it takes to leave someone behind who was rendered from birth to be that close for as long as you both shall live. Unless, of course, an anti-depressant drug had you temporarily incapable of an objective assessment of your own reality.
The recent words of Carly's cousin at their family's website for Carly are difficult for me to read. Not only does she speak from the heart, but she both certainly had far greater direct familiarity with Carly than I ever could, and Maggie Henley seems to sense a much more consuming than I'd sensed "years of unbearable torturous war" having existed within her cousin's mind.
The rest of the testimonials at thecarlyhenleyproject.com, each from close friends or family members, all assure that Carly thrived most of the time with nothing alluding to the extremely deep internal upheaval that so many others are quick to identify, especially in hindsight.
Indeed Carly's sense OF herself vastly underestimated her remarkable popularity and appeal. It seems the young woman lived so well for so long that, if what some expect was true, Carly was so well versed at thriving on the outside that it became routine and easy to hide what could have been bubbling within.
I'm trying to open my thoughts to that yet I am still supremely confident that the environment around Carly never showed so much as a first clue about the potential for suicide. Of course we're all supposed to learn something about the potency of depression, and we're supposed to err on the side of proactivity from now on, but I just can't work my way logically back to a turning point in Carly's life that anybody should have been able to identify.
The people who made up Carly's environment during her time on earth were universally golden, and there were scores and scores of examples strewn all throughout her world. I'll certainly admit that there was likely some insecurity to her, but I think it was that insecurity which inspired her personality to become admirably rounded. Somewhat lost on everybody since the end of Carly's life is that she got to "live" so very, very much as compared to the typical American by age 20.
Who in her circles didn't envy Carly Henley? Who in her circles didn't adore Carly Henley? It couldn't have "always" been like that, for there had to be a first day of Kindergarten and a first day of Junior High/Middle School. So the central element in how she came to be so revered from every direction simply had to have been HER.
Maybe that cousin of similar vintage was the means for Carly maintaining a close sense of a parallel universe to hers. Take a female, born the same week, given the same last name, and who went through new experiences independently at different schools, yet who was close enough for constant interaction. In that perhaps you find elements which helped to keep Carly grounded while affording her priceless perspective on her own early experiences. Too often we only see/know our path, and we don't have any means to identify what is "normal", even though "normalcy" is something toward which every young person strives. Sometimes a sample size of two is far more than just double a sample size of one.
Maggie H. writes of "wanting to flaunt (Carly) to the world... yearning to share (Carly) (while at the same time) dreading the topic of (Carly)". That all sounds right in line of what one would expect Carly Henley's cousin to feel. I'm guessing that the total awe which Carly commands is slowly replacing the rather grounding feeling of (but wait, I could pick up the phone and call her anytime I want to, so it's hard to be completely in awe considering...)
I'm so grateful to Maggie Henley for having shared the story of Carly playing her own "She's Beautiful" for a private audience of Maggie, her sister, and their mom when Carly and Maggie were 17. I can imagine Carly on auto-pilot while serving up that tune. I can imagine the fortunate listeners feeling Carly's vulnerability in the air... or, rather... merely witnessing Carly feeling her own vulnerability in the air (and being OK with it). I can easily imagine Maggie having been reduced to tears by such expression...
Maggie's homage to her cousin was so touching... and particularly the way it ends. That's the same sort of vulnerability Carly was showing when sitting on Maggie's bed and playing "She's Beautiful", and now Maggie has shared that with the world while inspired by the deepest respect...
Carly Henley was someone I'd never even heard of before she took her own life at the age of 20 while a talented, popular and attractive junior at university. She seemed the person nobody would ever guess for such a fate. The media doesn't generally cover suicide but Carly Henley could inspire so much caring and understanding and it has to start somewhere... I attempt to present this blog without hurting or offending Carly Henley's family or anyone else but suicide is a delicate subject.
I learned of the death of college student Carly Henley two days after her passing, on October 6, 2010. In the days soon to follow it became clear that scores and scores of people were wounded to the core by the loss. Wonderful evidence around the internet serves to almost suspend Carly Henley's personable allure, her impressive musical talent, and a short life the likes of which most anybody could envy.
Various reports tell of her short term struggle with depression of perhaps three months in duration. Significant in that was the introduction of anti-depressant drug Zoloft via prescription some two weeks before Carly took her own life.
Not lost on me now, finally, is the wording in the "Black Box Warning" with Zoloft, which states that antidepressants may increase the risk of suicidal thinking and behavior in persons younger than 25. Risk is especially heightened during the first two months of taking anti-depressants.
The labels on anti-depressant drugs in the U.S. were altered to reference young adults aged 18 to 24 just three years earlier - in 2007.
It is my belief, now, that Carly just happened to land among the small percentage of anti-depressant users who are susceptible to being so affected by a powerful drug such as Zoloft.
One need not ever have known such a remarkable woman to feel the pain all around at the loss of Carly Henley.
So many life lessons are so well represented by Carly Henley's compelling spirit. Let me see if I can help some to gain fuller appreciation for a woman who continues to inspire everyone who ever knew of her.
Various reports tell of her short term struggle with depression of perhaps three months in duration. Significant in that was the introduction of anti-depressant drug Zoloft via prescription some two weeks before Carly took her own life.
Not lost on me now, finally, is the wording in the "Black Box Warning" with Zoloft, which states that antidepressants may increase the risk of suicidal thinking and behavior in persons younger than 25. Risk is especially heightened during the first two months of taking anti-depressants.
The labels on anti-depressant drugs in the U.S. were altered to reference young adults aged 18 to 24 just three years earlier - in 2007.
It is my belief, now, that Carly just happened to land among the small percentage of anti-depressant users who are susceptible to being so affected by a powerful drug such as Zoloft.
One need not ever have known such a remarkable woman to feel the pain all around at the loss of Carly Henley.
So many life lessons are so well represented by Carly Henley's compelling spirit. Let me see if I can help some to gain fuller appreciation for a woman who continues to inspire everyone who ever knew of her.
No comments:
Post a Comment