Suicide: Always this one, challenging variable

Whenever we hear of someone who is threatening to take their own life, or who has done so, the first and greatest question/variable, which we cannot usually solve by ourselves, is the following:

Does/did the person really and truly face immediate trying circumstances from which they at the time could not envision recovering, OR is/was there something about their mind's sense of reality which greatly differs from our own (and from what WE perceive to be that of most others around us)?

The people who jumped to their deaths from the World Trade Center on September 11, 2001 were very clearly members of the former subset, but in most cases of suicide or threatened suicide we just never get to understand the outlook known to those who have been there, even when they are communicating right in front of our eyes after a failed suicide attempt.

The most logical perception about Carly Henley, to an outsider not close to her life or family, is that Carly's sense of reality was, at the time of her death, rendered greatly different from our own for reasons of her body's reaction to the anti-depression drug Zoloft.

Accounts in the news media told of Carly having battled depression for a period near to three months before her death, and it is documented that she began taking Zoloft less than two weeks prior to her suicide.  Hindsight is so perfect, and of course anybody able to have anticipated the possible effects of Zoloft on Carly Henley would have certainly chosen a different course.  Carly's father is a doctor, and no doubt she could afford the best care available, so there is no reason to fault anyone for merely playing the favorable percentages in attempting to forge the best path toward recovery from depression by somebody so well-regarded by all in her surroundings.

Government regulators require warning labels on Zoloft and similar drugs which address the potential for reactions including "suicidality" in persons "under 25 years of age".  It is also documented that such reactions are particularly possible during the early days of taking such drugs.  So we should probably stop short of blaming the government or even the drug-makers. 

People are challenged so much by the idea of considering only the information and outlook known at the time of crucial decision-making, rather than critiquing in hindsight as if one were a Monday morning quarterback.  It is just so unfortunate, and horrible, that the stakes are so insurmountably high in situations of suicide.

I'm sure there are people who were all around Carly Henley in the months prior to her death who have, for three years now, wished they would have done something different... something to have somehow altered Carly's path, even if it rendered her completely askew, yet still very much alive today, in what had been the 2010 present.  The closer any of those people are to Carly, the less likely they are to accept the fact that Carly's death was in no way the fault of anyone who survived her.

Getting back to the variable which began this entry:     The society which surrounds us seems to have the most compassion for those who are experiencing/have-experienced the aforementioned trying circumstances.  It is the will of most onlookers that those presently impacted by such circumstances would make the last ditch effort to unburden themselves on the chance that somebody else, with a more grounded outlook, could unearth a very workable alternative to suicide. 

Yes, it takes a lot to surrender yourself to what is so often the revelation to others of certain feelings or experiences which might render one to feel great personal shame in the near term.  Even though suicidal people are challenged to see and understand as much, it takes even more to surrender yourself to that final destiny at an age well before your health demands it of you. 

Society would much prefer to know that you are a flawed and somehow shamed individual who exercised a reflexive coping mechanism as a priority over making the choice to end your life without explanation.  In most cases, your reasons/experiences are BIG...  but they aren't so big that somebody out there couldn't help you find the path around them, and toward a future of knowing some of the great experiences you used to dream about. 

The world around us tends to stigmatize and shun those perceived to have a different and unrealistic perception of reality which is far different from the mainstream norms.  Those who take their own lives before/without making it clear that it was actions/experiences/struggles which brought them to the brink of such a painful choice merely leave others wondering for all eternity about the chance that their minds were somehow not right. 

Why not at least take a chance, and let somebody know of your struggles, before you opt to end your own life?

The dynamics of your having finally reached a place where you perceive yourself to have nothing else to lose may finally justify your risking what little you sense to be left on showing your vulnerability to another, caring soul.  How about you do that before completely eliminating any hope that somebody else might be the catalyst in the reversal of your fortunes?


October 6, 2013 marks three years since the Wednesday on which Carly Henley took her own life.  It was also the date beyond which so very many people across the world came to wish they could be living and thriving in that same life, prolonged, ideally, by more reflexive coping mechanisms or one or more very fortunate lucky breaks.

This writer may not have ever known of Carly Henley while she graced this earth, but it is really easy to discern that Carly's parents had and lost someone that most everybody else only dreams of having.  Carly's gentle and expressive persona, as still evidenced by her YouTube presence, is the main catalyst for such a belief, no matter what most might envy about Carly's exceptional exterior beauty.

We all wish that we could have witnessed Carly thrive on this planet for much, much longer...