Marking Carly Henley's birthday with a somber story

The sport of horse racing is filled with highs and lows on multiple levels that the novice observer almost never gets to imagine.  With 20 or 30 thousand horses born each year and just 20 runners in the gate for each Kentucky Derby, it stands to reason that there must be a whole lot more grand triumphs recorded than the famous one on the first Saturday each May.

Horses are bought and sold for vast fortunes of money as well as for the proverbial "ham sandwich" (as in: "I/we bought him for {something as inexpensive as} a ham sandwich").

So consider if you will a decent woman with a good eye for horse flesh having compiled a solid record of selecting her own purchases from horse sales around the continent, and then racing those horses herself with moderate success.

Then one day in March of 2016 she purchased a horse in Florida for the sum of $70,000.  As a new two-year-old it had to wait a few months to actually run in a race.   In preparation for its first race, the horse was ultra-fast in morning workouts, and was no 'secret' to industry insiders and wise guys.

 Well low and behold, the horse was entered to race for the first time in June of 2016, and it really electrified the crowd and the whole industry surrounding the race track near Seattle, Washington (a track that is a 15-mile drive from Carly Henley's last home), when winning impressively by 11 lengths.

Attention to this new wonder horse came from all across the continent and it didn't take very long for the phone to start ringing with numerous offers of really large sums of money for this once-raced phenom.  Horse owners are much like their counterparts at the betting windows in that they tend to shoot for much greater odds and return on investment than does the average person working with his 401K or the like.  That is to suggest that offers of $150,000 would almost always fall on deaf ears to someone who had spent $70,000 for a horse and then watched it stamp its potential as unlimited.

So the most plausible rumors started in the range of $300,000 - $400,000 for the once-raced animal and it would be realistic that some of the offers were even higher.  So, as they say, everybody has their price... and it stood to reason that, depending upon the financial situation known to the owner, a six-figure windfall could either buy quite a number of new horses and/or solve some considerable financial puzzles for someone not simply made of money.

Meanwhile, on the track, the horse had a single morning workout after the electrifying June debut, but the workout was shockingly slooooooooooooow.  Yet perhaps when it was clear that the horse was already fit, there need not have been much further morning training to have the horse in peak form.

Well it turned out that somebody out there seemed to find the owner's price, and a deal was made to sell the horse, yet the local owner wished to race the horse one more time, near Seattle, before parting ways with it forever.  It was agreed that the sale would take place and possession of the horse would be taken by the new owners soon after the race in July of 2016.  The soon-to-be new owners flew in from points east to watch the race and then have it shipped to greener pastures in New York.

The pending deal was the talk of the town, and the race to be entered seemed little more than a formality, with what was likely over-matched competition numbering just 4 foes, and the race looking much like another cake-walk for the big favorite.  So likely was the outcome that somebody somewhere bet $80,000 that the big horse would finish in the top 3 positions, and that person stood to gain only $4000 if/when it happened.

As horse racing is a lot of guesswork against a backdrop of uncertainty, the outcome of the race, when viewed in hindsight, might not seem as great a shock as had been the case before the bell sounded and the gate sprang open.

The big favorite was sluggish in the very beginning of the race, and was nowhere near the front in the early stages even though he had led all the way in his scintillating debut win.  Soon things took a tragic turn, as the wonder horse stumbled awkwardly at one point before it became clear that his jockey would ease him out of the race.  The jockey even leaped off of the injured horse as quickly as possible after knowing something was drastically wrong, but the horse had broken key bones and would have to be destroyed (because horses cannot stand the convalescence and severe restrictions on mobility even IF the fragile bones could be repaired).

Everyone at the race track knew the implications of all of this from the early stages when it became clear that something was wrong.  Many had lots of bets riding on this heavy favorite, and surely some just swore at a TV screen in various languages before looking for another race to bet on.  Others, who were perhaps horse owners themselves, knew better how to empathize with the owner and the trainer of the heavy favorite, for all of the promise that was lost in an instant.

Somebody somewhere saw $80,000 of hard cash go up in smoke in little more than a moment, while perhaps the original owner of the horse had at least some sort of insurance policy against a tragic ending like this.

The owner and trainer of the lost horse had for nearly three weeks been fielding calls and offers from all across the continent, and had surely felt on top of the world if not exactly for the anticipated cash windfall, but for all of the attention from some BIG names in the horse racing world.

Then, suddenly, they had to see it all come crashing to an abrupt and horrible end right there in front of everyone they knew and worked around on a daily basis.

Later that night, the female trainer, a married woman of 37, raised the stakes immeasurably by driving to a nearby bridge, parking, and leaping off the bridge at an emotional low point the likes of which most of us will never have to face.  Her lifeless body was found the next morning.

 This writer is convinced that the actual depth of one's low point isn't the catalyst for suicide, but instead it is the steep angle at which one descends from high to low which inspires some to want to end it all.  Like Carly Henley before her, this horse trainer left some of her vibrant self on YouTube for the world to appreciate after her death.  And much like Carly, the woman's spirit, recorded during happier times, is vibrant and exciting while the sort that makes people wish they could be around her.

Most everybody who has been around horse racing for very long has known, or known of such a devastating outcome, yet there aren't that many who have known such a fun ride and then a terrible crash in such a short period.  The original owner of the horse wrote on social media "Living the dream, big names want to buy my horse, please pinch me, is it real".

There is rampant speculation in many corners about whether the trainer saw or sensed signs near to that lone morning workout after the big debut win, that all was not right with the impressive young animal.  She may indeed have been heartsick that she hadn't acquiesced to her gut instincts, and instead been swept-up in the momentum brought on by all of the attention, and kept the horse pointed toward that one, last race.  Nobody around anymore knows the truth, and while to speculate directly may not be or seem fair in some circles at this point, it probably isn't "wrong" to contemplate such a realistic possibility.

In the days since the race, it has been revealed in the media and elsewhere that the deceased trainer knew many other factors which contributed to her choice.  It seems she was separated from her husband, had a past "boyfriend" (since the separation) with whom she was not on very good terms.  Also, it is no small factor that the trainer's mother before her had taken her own life, albeit after a cancer diagnosis which wasn't very promising.  It might not be a complete stretch to contemplate the chance that the brilliant young horse (and its pending sale) had been something of a loose-end which the trainer felt she had to see-through before her fatal choice.

Like Carly Henley, the female trainer clearly had talent and a niche which was a very good match for her.  Each looked quite striking to the eye (although there's where Carly having paused eternally at age 20 could be understood to be almost anybody's equal) and surely had a lot of friends, most of which would have done anything if only they were privy to the deep turmoil within either woman.

With the horse trainer, one can almost map and even feel the descent from a near-euphoria to the depths of disappointment and despair.  One only hopes that Carly never had to go through such a sinking feeling, and that instead she was merely overcome by Zoloft and caused to simply think incorrectly and from there reasoned her way toward her final choice, without so much clear 'pain' brought on by 'real' life.

It is so hard to stop wondering and analyzing like a 'survivor' and instead really imagine how each woman arrived at her final decision, and exactly what went into the choice.

There is much talk in the present about all of these "lives (that) matter", yet suicide is so unique, and carries such a stigma, that any group of humans small or large might be able to mark FAR more progress toward greatly reducing suicide with just a bit of concentrated EFFORT, than they ever could in all of those social scenarios where other "lives matter".

Why isn't it OK to *notice* Carly Henley for her warmth and her beauty, and especially for her warmth DESPITE her beauty, and be caused to help reduce some of the stigma about suicide?  The stigma is what causes us to think we should tiptoe around survivors, and say NOTHING rather than risk saying what we think could be the WRONG thing.

The stigma about suicide is also what causes us to hesitate and then avoid thinking we should bother asking someone if they're OK...  or even dare to ask if they're thinking about taking their own lives?  We don't say such things...   why can't we change that?   Who would riot in the streets if we (proactively) decided that suicidal people matter?

Why isn't it socially OK for many of the scores and scores of people nearby who knew exactly how devastated that horse trainer had to be that afternoon, to have effectively thrust themselves in her company and comforted her, and empathized with her, all while doing what they knew they needed to do in order to keep her identifying and seeking the next goal no matter the setback of the day?

The good-hearted people in and around the barns at a race track are all very capable of having kept that trainer 'engaged' with the world around her, but people don't do so because it isn't socially acceptable ENOUGH to be pro-active in such endeavors!

And, well, you can't be RE-active...


Happy 26th birthday to Carly Henley on July 30, 2016